Hope springs eternal.
Several years ago, amidst one of the most difficult times of my life--one of my best friends shamed me, hung up on me and for 2 years did not call back. I was devastated. During a time when I needed a caring friend the most, she could not understand, judged and turned her back on me. That day, my soul experienced a rip in its fabric. My belief in the foundational goodness of humanity was shaken. I felt, if I cannot rely on a 20 year friendship in a time of crisis, what can I rely on? Perhaps you’ve experienced a moment like this yourself.
Reflecting back through my life, I recognize that there are people to which I’ve done the same. I’ve judged and shamed and turned my back, unable to fully comprehend their pain, their story, their need for grace and unconditional acceptance, love and kindness.
I’m coming to understand that as sucky as it is, it’s human. It comes from that limited, scared part of us and separates us from what we need most. To be vulnerable, human, and embraced by caring and community, unconditional acceptance and grace.
At the DoTERRA Convention this year, Leon Logothetis from the Kindness Diaries called a woman up on stage, had all 12,000 of us stand and turn our back on her for a full minute. I started bawling because I felt her pain. I knew her pain. I was experiencing that pain in my relationship with several people at that moment.
Alone. Judged. Shamed. Rejected. Confused.
We then turned back to her and radiated kindness, love and acceptance. It felt sooooo amazing. I don’t even know her personally, but turning toward her was so healing. Felt so good. Even though it was an exercise and none of us harbored true malice or judgement towards her, we felt the rejection. Even though we didn’t connect with her individually when we turned toward her we felt the connection and warmth.
It was a powerful exercise.
In our lives, how many of us have these broken relationships? Broken hearts? Rejected pieces of ourselves? Most of us? Who have we turned our back on? Is there a group of people that we judge, shame and outright reject for one reason or another? When we do this, we ourselves are isolated as well. It’s a two-way thing.
Why did I start this musing with “Hope Springs Eternal”?
After two years of silence, I recently received a card in the mail from that friend. She wrote that she had not understood the scope of what I was experiencing and was not able to show up with the unconditional support and true friendship I needed. Her acknowledging that and asking my forgiveness was powerful--it was courageous and vulnerable to admit that--and such a balm to my soul and bridge to restored relationship.
What changed for her? How did it change?
We needed time apart in our relationship for us both to grow and go through things. This was painful, but healthy. During that time of silence and separation, we each had opportunities to learn and grow, release and discover. Her life gave her the chance to understand mine in a way that she could not have before.
This is where get to to choose to apply grace and release judgement--when we don’t understand. When we’ve judged and then learned more and realize we were wrong. It takes a lot for someone to be vulnerable and admit their part in a broken relationship.
Maybe sometimes relationships are for just a season, or one person chooses not to grow or does not desire a healing in the rift. It cannot be forced. I could not make her see my hurt or force her to apologize. I had to accept that it might never happen. But I COULD hold hope and a space in my heart for healing. And when it came, my heart was softened and ready to receive and let go of any hurt. Our friendship is restored and deepened because we know the pain of hurting one another and the power of being vulnerable, human, honest and owning our part, asking for and extending forgiveness.
Today, if you have a relationship that is broken or damaged, where perhaps a wall has been built or backs have been turned, I invite you to be willing to explore the possibility of letting go, release the need to hold anger and consider recognizing the humanity in all its broken, imperfect glory in yourself and the other. Allow space for you both to heal and grow on your own and hold hope for healing of the relationship when you both are new. It’s a beautiful thing.
Does this seem impossible?
I invite you to use your oils starting with the Forgive blend and explore some emotional release processes like Tapping/EFT, working with a coach or whatever tools will resource you and hold you through the process. Know that you cannot do the work for the other person, but when you change, the situation changes whether they do or not.
DoTERRA is a powerful force for good, and the oils they procure and research and offer us can be amazing catalysts in our own growth and healing. This year’s new products are remarkable!. Citronella, Lemon Eucalyptus, Rose, and the Adaptiv products are all useful in their own way to support you as you navigate challenging relationships and emotions. They are available individually--and as kit that is significantly discounted, especially at the Together events.
Learn more at their website www.doterra.com or join us at one of their Together Tour events this month and next. Locally in Seattle, we have one on November 2nd. You’ll find me there. Come join me and bring a friend--use this as a time to invest in your own healing and growth--and in your relationships. Discover the location, dates and register here: https://www.doterra.com/US/en/together-tour
Hold hope. Release control. Live and love as though you’ve never been hurt--starting with learning to love and accept YOURSELF. Build bridges. SEE people.
Your choice to let go of offense and do your own healing changes this world.
Your kindness to yourself and others ripples out.
And this world so desperately needs this hope, kindness and connection.